{"id":25525,"date":"2024-01-16T15:20:00","date_gmt":"2024-01-16T15:20:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/progyny.com\/?post_type=podcast&p=25525"},"modified":"2025-01-30T16:17:02","modified_gmt":"2025-01-30T16:17:02","slug":"episode-174","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/progyny.com\/education\/podcast\/episode-174\/","title":{"rendered":"Episode 174: Becoming a Single Parent by Choice: IVF + a Sperm Donor"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"template":"","categories":[451,230,229],"tags":[424,317,235,454,526,243],"class_list":["post-25525","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","hentry","category-family-building","category-education","category-ivf-facts","tag-donor","tag-family-building-benefits","tag-ivf","tag-member-story","tag-pgt","tag-single-parents-by-choice"],"yoast_head":"\nEpisode 174: Becoming a Single Parent by Choice: IVF + a Sperm Donor | Progyny<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"In this episode, Lakia dives into her decision 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waited so long to become a mom and realized, what am I waiting for? ","episode_intro_guest":"Lakia Holmes","episode_intro_company":"Progyny Member","episode_banner_section_intro_text":"This is Infertility is a bi-weekly podcast where we fuse narrative storytelling with experience and science to give you a new perspective on what it\u2019s really like to go through a family building journey. Each episode dives into the emotional, physical, and financial burdens carried by those who experience infertility on their path to parenthood. Be it IVF, IUI, egg freezing, surrogacy, adoption, etc., the path is never the same and it can be long, painful, and lonely. It\u2019s our mission to give those struggling a platform to be heard, a community connection, and an opportunity to raise awareness of the 1 in 6 who, for many reasons, struggle with infertility.","episode_page_title":"Episode 174: Becoming a Single Parent by Choice: IVF + a Sperm Donor ","episode_embed_code":"<iframe style=\"border: none;\" title=\"Embed Player\" src=\"https:\/\/play.libsyn.com\/embed\/episode\/id\/29330863\/height\/128\/theme\/modern\/size\/standard\/thumbnail\/yes\/custom-color\/ffffff\/time-start\/00:00:00\/playlist-height\/200\/direction\/backward\/download\/yes\/stats-code\/landing174\/font-color\/000000\" width=\"100%\" height=\"128\" scrolling=\"no\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe>","episode_details":"<span data-contrast=\"auto\">Today\u2019s guest spent a great deal of time juggling many<\/span> <span data-contrast=\"auto\">things on a tight schedule \u2013 she was busy creating a successful career for herself as a senior producer at a media and entertainment company. Lakia Holmes realized one day that her to-do's at work may not be the only thing functioning on a tight schedule.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span data-contrast=\"auto\">Aware of her biological clock, Lakia looked into <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/progyny.com\/education\/egg-freezing-frequently-asked-questions\/\"><span data-contrast=\"none\">freezing her eggs,<\/span><\/a><span data-contrast=\"auto\"> so she could continue waiting for the perfect partner for her and her future baby. However, her doctor informed that her best chance at motherhood was through IVF. Lakia was shocked into a realization; being a mother is what she has always wanted, partner or no partner.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span data-contrast=\"auto\">In this episode, Lakia dives into her decision to <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/progyny.com\/blog\/fertility-family-building\/single-parents-by-choice\/\"><span data-contrast=\"none\">become a single parent by choice<\/span><\/a><span data-contrast=\"auto\">, her family building experience, and the impact of having access to <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/progyny.com\/why-progyny\/\"><span data-contrast=\"none\">family building benefits<\/span><\/a><span data-contrast=\"auto\">.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<b><span data-contrast=\"none\">Guest: <\/span><\/b><span data-contrast=\"none\">Lakia Holmes, Progyny Member<\/span>\r\n\r\n<b><span data-contrast=\"none\">Host: <\/span><\/b><span data-contrast=\"none\">Dan Bulger, Progyny\u202f<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span data-contrast=\"none\">For more information, visit Progyny\u2019s Podcast page and <\/span><a href=\"http:\/\/www.progyny.com\/education\"><span data-contrast=\"none\">Progyny\u2019s Education page<\/span><\/a><span data-contrast=\"none\"> for more resources. Be sure to follow us on Instagram, @ThisisInfertilityPodcast and use the #ThisisInfertility. Have a question, comment, or want to share your story? Email us at <\/span><a href=\"mailto:thisisinfertility@progyny.com\"><span data-contrast=\"none\">thisisinfertility@progyny.com<\/span><\/a><span data-contrast=\"none\">.\u202f<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{"201341983":0,"335559739":0,"335559740":259}\">\u00a0<\/span>\r\n\r\nWatch this podcast as a video here:\r\n<iframe title=\"YouTube video player\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/L0ozkHpm3ko?si=sbMbYa0KEld1Ywpe\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe>\r\n<span data-contrast=\"none\">Here are some highlights from this episode:<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"><b>Waiting for Mr. Right?<\/b><\/span>\r\n\r\n<span data-contrast=\"auto\">02:41 \u2013 07:48<\/span>\r\n<div style=\"padding-left: 40px;\">\r\n\r\n<b><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Lakia Holmes: <\/span><\/b><span data-contrast=\"auto\">By the time I was 37 getting ready to turn 38<\/span><span data-contrast=\"auto\">,<\/span>\u00a0<span data-contrast=\"auto\">I still wasn't completely ready to have a baby, but I knew I wanted to explore the process of freezing my eggs and in my mind, I was just wanting to freeze eggs, keep them there in the freezer but then still get pregnant naturally. And you know hopefully find a partner, to go through that entire process with. I went to my doctor to just kind of explore the process. And during this series of tests, I found out that there's probably about a 2% chance of me getting pregnant naturally. So, that changed everything.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<b><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Dan Bulger: <\/span><\/b><span data-contrast=\"auto\">She had an HSG exam in preparation for freezing her eggs, and it showed that one of her fallopian tubes was completely blocked. And the other one was mostly blocked as well. With these results it was apparent that her best chance for a future pregnancy would be through IVF.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<b><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Lakia Holmes: <\/span><\/b><span data-contrast=\"auto\">You have to change, I guess in some ways, how you approach dating, because you have this extra thing that you have to worry about. And so, my approach after hearing the IVF news was that, okay, I have to date with intention. And just kind of let them know, maybe not necessarily off the bat, but just to prepare them for the toll that it could take emotionally, financially. So, you know, oftentimes dropping that kind of a bomb, when you're maybe, you know, several dates in, isn't the easiest, but it's a conversation that needs to happen, because not everyone is prepared for that. I really started considering, okay, what's going to be the next step for me? And that's when I came to the conclusion, I've waited so long to become a mom, what am I continuing to wait for? You know, I wanted this perfect life for me and for my baby and I delayed for so long, I'm just going to try this on my own.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<\/div>\r\n<span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"><b>Finding Support When Challenges Arise<\/b><\/span>\r\n\r\n<span data-contrast=\"auto\">08:08 \u2013 11:28<\/span>\r\n<div style=\"padding-left: 40px;\">\r\n\r\n<b><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Lakia Holmes: <\/span><\/b><span data-contrast=\"auto\">I started the process of finding a sperm donor. And that process was so overwhelming, I think, it might have even been harder than the process of going through the retrieval. Around January 2022<\/span><span data-contrast=\"auto\">,<\/span><span data-contrast=\"auto\">\u00a0<\/span><span data-contrast=\"auto\">I just was just so anxious and just overwhelmed with the process that I said, I have to kind of take a break, you know, there were moments where I would call my Progyny PCA, just bawling, crying, because of anxiety, and just, again, the process just going so quickly. It was so overwhelming. I'd be on the phone with my PCA sometimes for like a good hour at a time. And feel so bad because I'm just like, \u201cI'm sorry, I know you have other people but that helped a lot.\u201d Jenna was my first PCA and Jenna said, you don't have to go through everything at one time. You don't have to just go full speed ahead and just try to accomplish everything in the next few months, it's okay to take a break. It's okay to just take a beat, take a breath. And I think taking that break in 2022 is probably the best thing I could have done; I got a chance to be able to do things that I know I really wouldn\u2019t be able to do once I had a baby.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span data-contrast=\"auto\">The biggest challenge in finding a sperm donor is finding the perfect donor, maybe not so much the perfect donor but the right donor for you. And as a Black woman, that search is harder, because there aren't as many Black donors as there are other races, ethnicities, nationalities. So, I kind of had to struggle with, um, \u201cDo I continue to try to find a Black donor? Or do I look at donors of other races, and navigating that aspect of it?\u201d<\/span>\r\n\r\n<\/div>\r\n<span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"><b>A Solo Success<\/b><\/span>\r\n\r\n<span data-contrast=\"auto\">12:17 \u2013 16:19<\/span>\r\n<div style=\"padding-left: 40px;\">\r\n\r\n<b><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Lakia Holmes: <\/span><\/b><span data-contrast=\"auto\">So out of the six eggs, five were mature enough to fertilize out of the five three made it to blastocyst stage, then we did PGT testing. And now I have two viable embryos. So went from six to two. And you know, considering my goals to have two kids, my nurse was like, we set out and we did what we wanted to do.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span data-contrast=\"auto\">One of the biggest reasons for me going through the process of PGT testing was because I'm older, I'm 39. So to be able to have that safety net, and to you know, say, okay, let's be proactive, let's, you know, get these embryos tested, make sure so that we have the best possible outcome when it comes time to implant and the fact that it's covered by Progyny also, like just made that process much easier because it was like oh, that's covered<\/span><span data-contrast=\"auto\">,<\/span><span data-contrast=\"auto\"> okay, let's do it. Like why, you know, why not? That cost is significantly less due to my Progyny benefit, I say, let's do it because not only am I thinking about it from a cost perspective, but just thinking about overall trying to bring a viable embryo, you know, to be implanted, to have the most successful chance of actually having the baby. So, you know, doing that was a huge, huge help. And it's something I'm also really, really grateful for.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<b><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Dan Bulger: <\/span><\/b><span data-contrast=\"auto\">And that's where Lakia was at the time of our interview, but then some time passed. And then on December 4th, she sent us an email. With Lakia\u2019s permission, I'll read some of it for you now. \u201cIt's been a few months since we last connected, and I wanted to share the news that I'm having a baby. I'm currently 17 weeks and due May 11, 2024, the day before Mother's Day, what a journey this has been. And it gets more and more real with each ultrasound. I'm so grateful to everyone at Progyny for making this possible.\u201d<\/span>\r\n\r\n<\/div>","episode_host_image":22673,"episode_host_title":"Dan Bulger, Producer at Progyny","episode_host_bio":"Dan has been in the healthcare industry for the past ten plus years as a multimedia content producer. Better known as \u2018Video Dan\u2019 he has interviewed numerous doctors, patients and other experts in the world of fertility. He\u2019s also the producer for this podcast, This is Infertility and the producer behind the<a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/progyny\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" data-uw-rm-brl=\"exc\" aria-label=\"Progyny YouTube Channel - opens in new tab\" data-uw-rm-ext-link=\"na\">\u00a0Progyny YouTube Channel<\/a>\u00a0which features interviews with dozens of the nation\u2019s leading fertility specialists. On a personal note Dan\u2019s parents started fostering kids when he was four years old, and he considers himself a proud older brother to over 100 foster children.","episode_guest_1_image":25526,"episode_guest_1_title":"Lakia Holmes, Progyny Member","episode_guest_1_bio":"<span data-contrast=\"auto\">Lakia is senior producer at Warner Bros. Discovery Sports\u2019 Diversified Sports Content org, which focuses on storytelling around underrepresented voices in sports and culture. After delaying her dream of becoming a mom to focus on her career, she decided at the age of 37 that it was time to look into egg freezing. After learning her only chance at having a baby would be through IVF, she\u2019s decided to take the leap and start the journey of becoming a single mom by choice.\u00a0<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{"201341983":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}\">\u00a0<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span data-contrast=\"auto\">While navigating the NYC dating scene, she now found herself navigating the world of infertility as a Black woman, the challenges of finding a Black sperm donor, and how the choice to become a SMC will impact her career.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{"201341983":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}\">\u00a0<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span data-contrast=\"auto\">As an award-winning journalist and producer, she\u2019s now on the other side, using her platform and personal experiences to tell her story to bring fertility awareness to the Black community.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{"201341983":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}\">\u00a0<\/span>","episode_guest_2_image":"","episode_guest_2_title":"","episode_guest_2_bio":"","episode_guest_3_image":"","episode_guest_3_title":"","episode_guest_3_bio":"","episode_guest_4_image":"","episode_guest_4_title":"","episode_guest_4_bio":"","episode_guest_5_image":"","episode_guest_5_title":"","episode_guest_5_bio":"","episode_music_section_links":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/progyny.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/25525","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/progyny.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/progyny.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/progyny.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=25525"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/progyny.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=25525"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/progyny.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=25525"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}